英语幽默小笑话双语,要演讲大概有三分钟左右的,

你好！
A
guy
goes
to
visit
his
grandma
and
he
brings
his
friend
with
him.
While
he's
talking
to
his
grandma,
his
friend
starts
eating
the
peanuts
on
the
coffee
table,
and
finishes
them
off.
As
they're
leaving,
his
friend
says
to
his
grandma,
Thanks
for
the
peanuts.
She
says,
Yeah,
since
I
lost
my
dentures
I
can
only
suck
the
chocolate
off.
一名男子带着朋友去探望他的祖母。
当他和祖母聊天时，他的朋友开始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都给吃光了。
他们离开时，他的朋友对祖母说:谢谢您的花生。
结果祖母说:唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外层的巧克力了。
仅代表个人观点，不喜勿喷，谢谢。

我要一个最简单英语笑话

Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. Please God, she said, make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy.

Her mother interrupted and said. Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?

And Julie replyed, Because that's what I put in my geography exam!

---------
朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝，求求你，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”

妈妈打断她的话说：“朱莉叶，为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”

朱莉叶回答道：“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”

一些英语笑话

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,School-Go slow.
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着学校----慢行.

Do You Know My Work？
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”
“You don't know my work，” said the other．

“What is your work？”
“I'm a policeman．
“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．
“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”
译文：（自己简单翻译）
你知道我是干什么的吗？
一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。
两个人站在外面，看着大火。
“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”
“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。
“你是干什么的？”
“我是警察。”
“噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。
“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”

Who is the laziest
Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?
Jack:I don`t know ,father.
Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.

更多的请点击参考资料链接。
谢谢！
参考资料： %D3%A2%CE%C4%D0%A6%BB%B0&ct=17&pn=0&tn=ikaslist&rn=10